Expectations
 | Author:
Ellie West, Certified NLP Coach/Practitioner Of Hypnosis and Timeline Therapy
Inside Inspiration: Certified NLP Coach/Practitioner Of Hypnosis and Timeline Therapy |
Expectations can be a heavy burden, but they can also be a source of inspiration. Maya Angelou once said, “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”
We all have hopes, dreams, and expectations for our future, but pursuing them takes courage, dedication, and hard work. However, not meeting expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and even loss of hope.
In a recent conversation with my husband, I asked him, “While growing up, were expectations placed on you by your father?” He answered, but not in the way I thought he would. He told me his father used to shame and embarrass him in front of family and friends to try and get him to do things expected of him. It got me thinking about both the negative and positive sides of expectations. Expectations can be both a blessing and a curse, and as I reflect on this, I want to share my story.
Coming from a family with seven siblings, expectations were placed on each of us at different times. There was a particular day when my dad was very angry, I cannot remember what caused the anger, but I remember feeling that if I started cleaning (which was expected of us to help our mom), then all would be well, and he would no longer be angry. Whenever I felt this way, I would leave a situation, go to the kitchen sink, and start cleaning by doing the dishes. It has almost become a family side joke, as one of my brothers would say there’s Ellie in the kitchen doing dishes. Was it an escape for me? Yes, I believe so, as that is where I could be by myself in thought. I didn’t know it then or even understand but looking back now; it was an unspoken expectation, of something that was expected of us.
If we can find the balance between having expectations and enjoying the process, we can create positive outcomes.
Healing can come when we remove our expectations of ourselves, the expectations we put on others, and the expectations others place on us. I know this from personal experience as I used to feel overwhelmed by all the expectations I had to meet, but once I let go of them, I felt much lighter and freer.
Expectations can inspire and be something to look forward to with anticipation. Just like when I was younger, my dad took the younger ones on a family vacation to Kalispell for a long weekend. Oh, the joy and excitement of that trip - especially when my dad took me into a peanut bar!
I remember sitting at the bar with my Dad, he had ordered a beer, and I had a soft drink. There were bowls of peanuts on the bar, and the bartender would bring us more when the bowl was empty. I very carefully put the shells from the peanuts in the bowl, and much to my surprise, the bartender came over and threw the peanut shells on the floor. I looked down at the floor and didn’t understand why the bartender would dump the shells on the floor. He looked at me and said, “we throw the shells on the floor.” There was freedom in throwing the peanut shells on the floor, as sometimes the smallest actions can represent something more significant. When I think about this story as a metaphor, it is a simple reminder to let go of those expectations and enjoy the moment.
Do not let other people’s expectations of you affect how you live your life. A life you love needs to be yours and no one else’s. It can be tempting to try to live up to the expectations of others, whether it be parents, friends, or society as a whole, but ultimately this will leave you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.
Understanding your values, goals, and passions clearly and pursuing them unapologetically is essential. This may mean making choices that go against the norms or expectations of those around you, but in the end, it is your life, and you have to live it.
Remember that you are the only one who truly knows what is best for you. Trust your gut and inner voice. When you embrace who you are and pursue your dreams, you will find happiness and fulfillment that cannot be found by trying to live up to the expectations of others.
To connect with Ellie FB/IG @coachelliewest
