Love: The Choice We Make Every Day
 | Author:
Ellie West, Master Certified Practitioner of NLP, TLT, & Hypnotherapy and Certified Personal Empowerment and Enneagram Coach
Inside Inspiration: Certified NLP Coach/Practitioner Of Hypnosis and Timeline Therapy |
Love: The Choice We Make Every Day
Ellie West
Master Certified Practitioner of NLP, TLT, & Hypnotherapy and Certified Personal Empowerment and Enneagram Coach
Love is a mysterious thing. It brings us our greatest joy and deepest pain. The price of love is the risk of losing it, and the chance we take with love is that it may break our hearts. Yet, love shapes, refines, and fortifies us. When we choose to love intentionally and with commitment, we can endure life’s hardships together, even when we feel alone.
I have always been drawn to the question: What does it mean to truly love and to be loved? Love is complex, layered, and difficult to define. In recent months, I have walked alongside clients, family members, and friends, navigating separation, divorce, and loss through death. I have witnessed how fragile love can be and how deeply we long to be seen, valued, and chosen.
After nearly 35 years of marriage, people ask, "What is your secret?" The truth is, there isn’t one. Love isn’t a formula; it’s a choice we make daily. Sometimes, that choice is hard. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Healing is hard. We all reach a crossroads where we must decide: Which hard will I choose?
We live in a world of endless connection—through social media, work, shared interests, and unexpected reunions. Over time, we meet people who stir something within us. Perhaps we encounter someone from our past or connect instantly with someone new. In moments of vulnerability—when our hearts are weary, and love feels distant or routine—we feel something awakening.
When we feel unseen in our relationships, the urge to seek a connection elsewhere can be subtle yet significant.
Initially, it seems harmless: an intimate conversation, shared laughter, a feeling of being understood. Suddenly, we feel valued, noticed, and alive. Because it is enjoyable, we lean into it, allowing our emotions to be nurtured by this new connection. But what happens when this emotional bond deepens, taking root in places it shouldn’t?
An emotional affair begins subtly but can be just as damaging as a physical one. While a physical affair crosses a tangible boundary, an emotional affair erodes trust and intimacy. It often starts with conversations we can no longer have with our spouse. We justify it by telling ourselves it’s just a friendship. Yet, deep down, we recognize when a line has been crossed.
Are you confiding in someone else more than your spouse?
Do you hide or minimize conversations with this person?
Are you emotionally distant from your partner while feeling energized by this other person?
If yes, it’s time to refocus your energy on your primary relationship. Love doesn’t just happen; it’s a continuous choice.
Loving well means being intentional. It’s easy to fall into a routine and assume that love will take care of itself, but love flourishes when we nurture it. If you feel disconnected, discuss it. Don’t allow silence to build walls. Be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
A simple rule can help set boundaries: If you wouldn’t say it in front of your spouse, it’s probably better left unsaid.
Invest in your relationship daily; even the smallest moments carry more weight than grand gestures. A kind word, a thoughtful touch, or simply being fully present can strengthen a relationship far more than we realize.
Recognize when you feel vulnerable. When life becomes overwhelming—when stress, loneliness, or dissatisfaction creep in—it’s easy to seek connection elsewhere. Being aware of these moments can help us turn back toward our partner instead of away.
Seek support when needed; no one has to navigate love alone. A trusted friend, counselor, or faith leader can provide clarity when emotions cloud judgment.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
What we allow into our hearts shapes our actions. Protecting your heart means being mindful of where you invest your emotions and affections. Love isn’t driven by fleeting feelings but by a deep, sacrificial commitment.
Love is beautiful yet fragile. It requires care, intention, and a willingness to choose it—again and again, even when it’s hard. If you find yourself in a season of disconnection, remember: Love isn’t about finding someone new; it’s about rediscovering what made you fall in love in the first place.
No relationship is perfect, and no marriage is without its struggles. We must choose to fight for what matters, nurture what we have, and love fully and faithfully, even when our emotions pull us in different directions.
Ultimately, that choice makes all the difference. Choose your hard. And in the end, the love you choose to protect is the love that will sustain you.
Connect with Ellie at https://www.facebook.com/coachelliewest
