Ya Reckon
 | Author:
Denise Thompson
Denise Thompson |
Ya Reckon
Denise Thompson
October is known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Following is an excerpt from Part 2 in my Epilogue, A Chapter in my Life Story. Why share about my cancer journey in an agricultural column? Well, ranch life literally brought me back to life! The connection is powerful and real and worth sharing. Perhaps this selection will be a blessing to someone in some way, ya reckon?
From March 21, 2019:
“You don’t know this new me; I put my pieces back differently.”
A year ago at this time I had just finished my five weeks of radiation in Zion, Illinois. I was frail and weak; both physically and emotionally! I was grieving!
“The thing about grief is it opens the door to the room in your soul where all your other grief is stored.” (All Things New, John Eldridge)
And as my dear friend, Debbie Holland, pointed out, “THERE IS NO DETOUR AROUND GRIEF!”
I was literally trying to not only release the talons Cancer had on me, but also finish climbing a mountain of other ‘stuff’ that was in front of me!
My dear friend and ‘soul-mother’ (Becky) died in 2017, after a 19-year battle with breast cancer. I was with her at the end, comforting her, praying with her...just loving her!! I was with her at the end, consoling her elderly husband who was beside himself with grief!! I was with her at the end, watching my dear friend....a lady with more strength and will and grace and poise and FAITH than I had ever witnessed in one tiny frame of a body.....take her last breath!
A mere 20 days later I learned that I, too, had breast cancer!
I wanted to scream!!
I did SCREAM!!
Everything with Ms. Becky was still so raw!.....I wasn’t ready to die!.....but honestly, at that very moment, I wasn’t even ready to live!.....A part of me didn’t even want to exist! Yes, the massive waves came crashing in!! I was drowning!
How little did I know that my years spent with Ms. Becky would help prepare me in such an important way.
The old adage TIME HEALS is a bunch of malarkey......unless it is laced with INTENT!!!!!
It is a process, at least it has been for me, to get to a place of CLARITY and CREDENCE and CALMNESS......to maneuver through the storm......to reset the sail.......and to ultimately embrace the journey, as rugged as it may be! Heck, it’s LIFE!
I am a very open person! Like it or not, that is who I am! Author, Jeff Brown says that writing......”is a profound way to excavate our emotional holdings, to give voice to that which heals us, and to validate our right to exist. So much of the madness of the world happens because of repressed emotions.”
This is why I believe OUR TRAUMA NEEDS A VOICE!
Cancer is a crazy disease because, even if you are one of the fortunate ones, like me, who has no evidence of disease and is only dealing with some rather annoying side effects, the haunting risk of reoccurrence can make you go MAD if you let it...if you LET it!! I believe we have a choice: we can either let that cripple us from living or use it as ‘jet fuel’ to propel us to LIVE......and I choose the later!!
Thus far, I have been tremendously blessed and I am KEENLY aware of that fact! I am one of the ‘lucky ones’ who gets to rejoice in the blessings instead of being transfixed on the enormous pain.
May I never forget on my best day, that I still need God as desperately as I did on my worst.
If surviving cancer was based on the merits of sheer willpower, there would be few who would succumb to this wretched disease!!
I have known true warriors, in every sense of the word, who have died from cancer! I have known strong Christians who gallantly fought this monster but faced its wrath, nonetheless! I have known precious children, devoted mothers, amazing fathers, and downright remarkable individuals who tried with all their might; but could not beat this ugly disease.....at least in the sense we humans most relate!
I believe wholeheartedly that our days on earth are numbered for each and every one of us! Most certainly, we are all going to die one day. The real question is how are we going to LIVE while we are still ALIVE on this earth? It really isn’t about how much time we have left, but more so it is about what we are going to do with that TIME we have left.
“The best we can hope for in this life is a knothole peek at the shining realities ahead. Yet a glimpse is enough. It’s enough to convince our hearts that whatever sufferings and sorrows currently assail us aren’t worthy of comparison to that which waits over the horizon. —Joni Eareckson Tada
“God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. He plants his footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm.” -William Cowper (Olney Hymns, 1779)
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
I PRAY for all of you who are battling cancer or anything else that may have a stronghold on your life.
For the Love of Ag, from the heart of a Western woman.
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