Dealing With Grief
Author: Jennifer Beatty
Dealing With Grief
Jennifer Beatty
Years ago, I had previously provided “Mental Health Minute”, a bi-weekly column with the focus
on providing information regarding mental health, stress management, and healthy
relationships.
With the recent tragic accident that has impacted so many in our community, it seems pertinent
and important to re-share this article.
Grief is the cluster of feelings a person experiences when he/she faces loss. Keep in mind that
loss isn’t limited only to death. We can grieve other kinds of losses too (i.e., divorce, relocation,
pregnancy loss, loss of independence, loss of security).
Everyone experiences grief differently and for different lengths of time. It’s critical that we are
sensitive to each individual’s own grief experience, which may be different from our experience
or our expression. Despite grief being unique from individual to individual, people may share in
similar expressions of their grief. The ones seen most often are identified below. Remember…
these experiences are normal!
Feelings: denial, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, helplessness, shock, numbness, fear,
anxiety, irritability, confusion.
Physical Sensations: hollowness in the stomach, sleep disturbance, nausea, headache,
tightness in the chest and throat, feeling out of breath, muscle weakness, feeling disconnected
from others, their own body, and/or reality.
Thoughts: disbelief, confusion, uncertainty, poor attention and concentration, preoccupation,
hallucinations.
Behaviors: trouble eating and/or sleeping, forgetfulness or absent-mindedness, social
withdrawal, dreams of the deceased, restlessness, crying, change in appetite.
Spiritual: anger at God, loss of belief in a just world, loss of a sense of purpose, withdrawal
from faith community, feeling abandoned by God.
WebMD (2015) identifies these excellent considerations when facing grief:
• Know the triggers. The first year will have many emotional triggers: first birthday without
the loved one, the first Thanksgiving, the anniversary of the death. When these "firsts"
occur, the waves of grief can come crashing back.
• Know your priorities. It's important to maintain friendships, routines, activities, and other
things that nourish you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
• Plan for the unexpected. One way to do this is to think about and rehearse your
responses to the questions others might ask. Doing so can keep you from being
blindsided.
• Don't bottle things up. Talking about things helps you acknowledge your feelings and
enables you to say goodbye and find emotional closure
• Don't try to do it alone. Utilize your social support system made up of the people you
can count on to be there, lean on for support, and depend on for help with chores and
other things that need to be done.
• Don't make big changes. During the first year avoid doing things that will mean a major
change in your life.
• Take care of your health. Focus on a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and exercise as well
as avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.
• Don't isolate yourself. Loneliness breeds loneliness. Don't turn down invitations, even
though going out may be the last thing you want to do.
• Deal with anger. Anger can snowball. Grief counseling can help you understand and deal
with the anger you feel.
• Keep the faith. Participating in your faith community and having a spiritual value system
won’t take away the grief you experience or change the loss, but it can help to normalize
your experience, provide hope and offer you a community for support.
• Take up new activities. New activities help you form new patterns of doing things and
new interests that are not associated with the person who has died.
• Make humor part of your coping routine. Humor can help provide perspective on the
way your life is changing.
• Celebrate and memorialize your loved one’s life. Remember your loved one through
photos, music, special belongings, favorite meals and locations. Journal about the person
or write a letter to him/her. Do something in his/her honor (plant a tree, perform a random
act of kindness, volunteer or donate in his/her memory).
Here is how you can support others who are grieving:
• Be available to them and offer your support, even if it is your silent presence.
• Avoid trite comments. Although they may be accurate, they will come off as insensitive
and increase pain for that individual (i.e., “He’s in a better place….At least she didn’t
suffer…..It was God’s will….I know what you’re going through.”).
• Remember that everyone grieves differently, so avoid putting your expectations and time
limits on their grief experience or theirs.
• Accept their emotional expression; don’t judge. Crying is NOT a sign of weakness. It is a
healthy, normal, release of energy.
• Watch for signs of trouble and seek help if an individual expresses suicidal thoughts or if
their emotions are so strong that they prevent the individual from sleeping, working or
going to school, eating, or taking care of themselves.
Jennifer Beatty is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor providing mental health services in
Townsend. If you have questions or concerns about the information in this column, or to schedule
an appointment with Jennifer, please contact her office, Infinite Hope Counseling LLC, at
406.980.0672.
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